How to Love Hard People

When we are deciding if we should love someone, the typical method, whether we realize it or not is, what will be the return on my investment (ROI)?  In friendships, there is usually a significant ROI.  With our own children, hopefully, there's a very decent ROI - one day.  But what about taking care of other children in your own home that are not yours? Whether it be through foster care or through Safe Families for Children, people are usually not so quick to sign up because they realize that these children will most likely not end up in their care and due to their backgrounds, they will often require extensive effort to "parent".  And what about the effect on your own kids?  This means that the large amount of time and money and possible heartache or tears invested in this child will more than likely not produce the fruit desired while in their home.  I am not saying that this is the way it should be.  But it is typical.

In the past few weeks, even in my job with those who choose to love these kids, people have had a tough time spending themselves.  Whether it is the child or their parent, loving those who do not love in return is a hard thing to do, which is why most people do not even entertain the idea.  They soon realize that the time, money, and sacrificial love they have poured into this child just might not be returned in the desired visible character change.  While this side is draining, it is not usually grounds to give up.  The grounds to give up come when a host family senses that the parent they are assisting is not doing what they think she should be doing while her child is in their care.

Recently, a family we have been financially supporting in another country has given us reason to believe that they may not be using the money for the purposes we agreed to.  Part of me wanted to stop contributing out of fear of lending money for improper use, and my daughter did make that decision.  But God told me not to stop.  He seemed to tell me to give regardless of what may or may not be happening.  Pretty much because I know Him better, and I know His ways, and I know He does this with me.  Whether He just wants me to experience the joy of giving, or the family is legitimately using the money the way they said they would, or He wants me to learn a lesson in obedience, I do not know.  I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to trust Him in this, pretty much because I become more bitter when I judge and withhold.  I am learning that I would rather err on the side of grace because I would rather be filled with grace than judgment.  Here's another reason:

"One thing I am quite certain about is this:  When I stand before God in the judgment, I don't think God is going to drill me about how smart and frugal I was when faced with someone who asked me for money.  I doubt God will point out how proud he is of me that I didn't let myself get scammed... God is more likely to say something like this:  "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat..." - Arloa Sutter

In her song entitled "Dear Me", singer/songwriter, Nicole Nordeman, wrote a letter to her younger self.  Here is a link to this amazing piece of music, and a helpful clarification of how to speak into this situation:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGfawtmZBbk
Here is a glimpse of the lyrics, but please listen to the song - the whole way through:

There is nothing you could do or say to separate you
from the love of God who made you 
just exactly as He meant to
And you cannot imagine all the places you'll see Jesus
But you'll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn't supposed to go
So go!..  Go!!...
And hold all the mothers whose babies bleed from bullet holes
And feel all the hunger, the bellies and the bones
Shout for the prisoners, cry for justice, loud and long
And march with the victims, as Jesus marches on
And sit at all the tables, cause Jesus eats with everyone
And dance to the music, if you can't sing its native tongue
And cry for the wombs, the mothers and the empty arms
And hold high the warriors, fighting now for freedoms song
And love, love, love, like it's your own blood...
And love, love, love, like you have been loved

If we are going to love others the way God loves us, then there is nothing that anyone can do that should separate our love for them.  Yes, we will fall short.  But we need to go and do these things and love extravagantly, for it is in the losing of our life by loving without worrying whether someone is worthy or not, that we find more life (Mt 10:39).

So we are supposed to love by spending our money and ourselves tirelessly to children and parents without knowing our ROI?  If the Spirit is leading us - yes.  Even if they speak nasty words to us and act as if we are doing nothing for them while loving their child in our home?  Yep.  Even if we feel that they are taking advantage of us.  Because we have an example to follow who has done this for us.

"Jesus came to the earth to be near the poor, the prisoners, the blind, and the oppressed, to bring them redemption by participating in their pain.  He gathered a band of unlikely comrades around himself and poured his life into them.  He shared his deepest love, wisdom, cares, and concerns with them, knowing they would betray him, deny him, and abandon him in his time of greatest need."

So, in the end, the ROI here is looking more like Jesus.  Pretty darn good, I think.