A New Perspective On Suicide Prevention

I'm currently learning about the life of a friend of mine who provided an amazing example of selfless service to the poor.  The interesting thing is what brought him there:  he felt like he didn't belong where he was.  The more I check this out, the more common I find it is.  In sixth grade, he moved and was put in a new school in a completely different area. With his old clothing coupled with the shame of his questionable sexual identity, he had nowhere to "fit in".   I realize that this can drive some people towards self-harm, and because of that, it has ignited movements including anti-bullying education and LGBTQIA groups.  However, some have found their place serving among those society deems as outcasts,and been quite successful there.  Maybe self-harm is the only option some people feel they have.  They may not have been exposed to another alternative - going to the margins.  Father Greg Boyle said that "we are sent to the margins not to make a difference but so that the folks on the margins will make US different."  And they do.

I'm starting to think that this is why God calls us "aliens and strangers" here on earth.  When we grasp this idea, we are moved to seek out others who are living as outsiders as well.  It is there that we find wholeness because it is there that Jesus dwells (Mt 25:40).  And maybe, even though it pains my heart to see my kids feel alone or isolated, I should allow this and point them in a direction that seeks out others who may be feeling the same.  So they can heal each other.

"In the poor, we meet Jesus in the most distressing disguise" - Mother Teresa

This idea came up in one of my recent blogs entitled "Divorce Care at the Soup Kitchen" http://unchainedkimijane.blogspot.com/2017/09/divorce-care-at-soup-kitchen.html.  On the heels of my divorce, I found Jesus unknowingly at a women's homeless shelter.  I had seen the life of a woman who started this homeless shelter following her own divorce, and she was thriving.  She was a living example of Isaiah 58:7-8 - she knew the joy that came as a result of sharing food with the hungry, just like it says!  I did not really feel a sense of belonging - everyone else was getting together as "families" with mom and dad, and we were no longer that.  I was moved to go be with these ladies, and learn from this woman, and there realized how much I needed them, as she had.  I loved being with them, playing cards and walking and talking was just so good.

"The poor are not the "other".  They are myself in different circumstances.  They remind me that I am only one incident away from losing what I think I am entitled to." - Joan Chittister 

One of my daughters has learned the same thing.  If any of you know a Four on the Enneagram, you know they feel as if they are a square peg trying to fit into a bunch of round holes - nothing fits.  She is also the one who has a heart that wants to serve the marginalized.  She went through a phase where she was more comfortable among those who were from other neighborhoods because she knew what it felt like to not fit in.  She experiences healing by connecting with others in this way.  Her sister, who is extremely social, has no desire to serve the poor.  She's too happy here with her "friend group".

"What we do and do not do for the poor will determine the level of our own existence." - Joan Chittister

If it happens so often that we find healing among others who are so different from us, why do we constantly try to get people to "fit in" where they are?  Why are the high schools so passionate about making sure everyone has a "group" to belong to and adding all of these extra sports teams and clubs in order to risk their feeling alone long enough to find out who they really are?  Yes, I realize this loneliness is what seems to be driving the suicide rate up, and may be statistically proven, but to me, finding a group may just be a band-aid.  What happens after High School?  Maybe, in addition to the groups and sports and campaigns and stuff, (which are good), we could provide more opportunities for kids to go and serve among the homeless, the abandoned, the abused and neglected, the prisoners, or those with disabilities?  THIS is what could potentially introduce them to what fullness of life really is because these relationships are what just might fill those empty places.  And this is what could create real difference-makers; those who don't really care what others think about them but what seems to light their heart on fire.

"There is no way to live a full life without living it for someone else's sake as well as our own." - Joan Chittister